Cazzie's World of Chaoz

Guess Who's Back~

2006-11-22T15:07:00.000+08:00

I cried for so long

But today, i was unable to shed another tear. And what a shame, the memories are fading. All that I believed in, I did not lose my faith, but rather, instead of repeating those footsteps, i decided that this time, i am going to live my life even better than before.

I am still trying to accept my new self, cos... it's weird, like u died and now u want to move on, but u feel as if u betrayed your older self. And F**king hell, my english is going poor. F*** sia.

Anyway, I have a test later today, so I will only update later.
And oso, I plan to reopen my blog. Hah

Monster

2006-01-03T21:11:00.000+08:00

No one is tagging...

Is anyone reading?

Man...

Fine. My Friends, I think i should close this blog.

For those who actually wishes to continue catching up on my latest blabberings and grumblings, sms me and I will redirect you guys to a new blog that other ppl wont know of...

:P

<>

Devil's Delight ~ Vengeance

2005-12-30T21:33:00.000+08:00

What an irony, to bring me to the highest levels of Heaven, then hurl me down to the depths of fire in hell.

Or, more like it... I felt like jumping down.

Oh, it was painful, but I learnt to grow black ghoulish wings of death. Now I can search the skies with my crimson eyes. My wrath shall destroy, the world's my playground.

Who would have known, that a plain timid being, would have turned into the most fearsome monster of all. For one can destroy my body, but never my hatred. My soul will haunt forever.

Forgive me, if you are now, unpleasantly surprised.

However, for those who were always by my side, fret not. I am there to protect and care for you.

In this twisted game, my parents are still my most loved.

~*~*~*~*~*~

One will never see true beauty until they see the darkest ugliness.

One will never experience true love until their hearts were once shattered.

One will never taste sweetness of success untill they tasted worst bitter of failure.

One will never know Good until they have kown Evil.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Whose right is it, to decide what is evil and good, what is right and wrong?

That's such a drag to care.

Coz I am doing it... My Way.

*~*~*~*~*~*

In Night, I shall embrace darkness.

P.S. Gals, love u ppl! Muack! Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

2005-12-25T18:28:00.000+08:00

The Soul was changed and taken away, I cried over it.

Now I know that what I see is no longer what I knew.

History repeats itself and I have to let go.

With a smile, I embraced the cruel truth.

And was released from the harshness of reality.

Thank You,

Live well,

Goodbye.

Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien

2005-12-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

for once, I agreed with Haruka

Ppl do change over time, and ppl who we used to know so deeply in our hearts may not be the ones who we see now. It's painful tt way, but it's better to face reality and acknowledge the fact that those who we used to know, may never be there again. Our pasts lives only in our memories.

I guess that I cant go on decieving myself either.

and it is time to draw the line

I used to compromise and make little sacrifices, but i think i have reached the end of the road.

This cannot go on.

Please.. dont hate me.

In The End ~ I'm still... Myself

2005-12-18T23:32:00.000+08:00

Someday... one day... I knew my world would be turned upside down. It was like a disaster that I was expecting to happen, for it had happened before and now it happens again.

At first thought, I thought that I had fallen into shadows. But then, I slowly realised that all along, the realm of shadows and darkness is where I have found peace and ease all along. And now, I am at ease.

Please, do not mistaken, that darkness is necessarily despair, sadness or depression. It is my little way, of finding reassurance in being alone sometimes, my way of letting thoughts fly, my way of finding a different sort of peaceful, gentle, relaxing joy.

Maybe, it is because as much as I am okay with the light on my skin, I trust the night and have no fear in my heart.

My thought is... without the background of the night, one can never see the warmth of the brightest star, at least, not with the naked eye. Everything is so quite in darkness... at last, I can truly hear the stories of the music, the whispers in the wind, the voice of my heart.

I would like to emphasize that this is not an angst post, it's just my point of view. Everything is beautiful, they are just more so at night... maybe, it's only when you find it after a search in darkness, that you can really treasure and appreciate it.

I shall follow my heart, even if others fear or despise the darkness within, for I know know, that my heart, is always... maybe unwillingly... but .. kind.

Thank you for everything, my friends.

( May, I heard that Thailand is experiencing monsoon storms and floods, I hope tt u are safe and well, and that ur trip to Bangkok is not ruined/ Li yan, it's been a while since I heard from you, how are you doing now? we should meet up sometime.../ Linah, any new plans for the holidays ahead? / Kenneth, all the best for your NS, and I still cant accept the bloody fact that u QUIT maple... lol/ Brandon, one of my greatest pals, gd luck for ur training in NS, rmb that u shall overcome all obstacles, bless u)

Late Sunday Morning

2005-12-11T12:58:00.000+08:00

ok, i am slacking again. woke up at 11am, siao le!

anyway, got some new voice files by me: ( prepared to face the horror~ muhahaha )

Don't Speak - No Doubt >>>dont speak cazzie.zip

(Intro) Stan - Dido >>> stan dido cazzie.zip

yupz, i sang part of those songs, too sian... didnt want to do housework... bahahaha.....

Warning: I dont sound the original singers :P

New World

2005-12-11T00:51:00.000+08:00

Hmm, I went to a church service today ( thanks to Brandon ). well, i havent been to a religious gathering since a looonnng time. Well, it was more lively than i expected, rather interesting. The messages were pretty encouraging, it's always nice to look to the brighter side of life once in a while. ( esp for an often self-pitying person like me, Hah! )

Anyway, I have to start writing X-mas cards soon, hope that I wont leave out anyone by mistake/ carelessness.

Hmm, tt's abt it.

What I learnt today : Fear of responsibility is an obstacle in developing one's full potential.

Lalala~

Back from HK

2005-12-09T20:26:00.000+08:00

ok folks, i am back from hk. currently, i am busy trying to sort out my life/future/wadever.

anyway, my mom didnt allow me to dye my hair red or straighten it, i ended up with a horrible hairstyle.... and expensive one at that... sux

latest report, i gained another 4kg... er, i think now i 58kg... omg...

and i still look like pork chop..

BUT

thanks to May who went out with me on the 8th and Kenneth + Linah who went out with me on the 8th, YAY! Love u ppl! Li Yan, Jia YOU for ur job ya!

here are some photos tt i took in hk.. maybe more to come in later days.

See U Later

2005-11-25T00:50:00.000+08:00

yup, i am going on a trip to hong kong till dec 7th. the plane is leaving in abt 5 pr 6 six hours, and we are still packing..... blah blah blah

anyway, to my dismay, i have outgrown so many of my cloths (cos i have gained like 4kg over the a levels period ). in the end, i have to wear oversized t-shirt and hawaiian shorts to hong kong in late autumn... dam suay... -_-||| must ask my mom buy me new clothes tt actually fits! muhahaha~

anyway... this blog will be dead temporarily till the 7th dec. yea.. hope u ppl tag or something. maybe i will bring sumthing back for u~ lol

yay.. gonna shop, dye my hair, buy contact lenses... maybe even pierce my ears. hope all goes well. by the time i return, i will be officially 18 years old... omg... just imagine the HUGE responsibilities that lies ahead... * grab some Sake and drown in it * j/k j/k....

so sian... Maple patch like siao, everyday oso patch.. sian diao le.. maybe i come back den find time reformat my computer.. too lazy to slowly clear it.

Wah~ my mom just kept my blankie in the closet and call me siao... nag nag nag... my blankie... jezz... my mind not working liao.. i think i need some sleep...

Yea, gonna get back safely and happily soon. on dec 7th.

for now, see ya later...

My Horrible Singing

2005-11-19T23:00:00.001+08:00

YAY! I am trying to post my recorded singing here, try the links:

My Horrible Singing Voice

My Horrible Singing

2005-11-19T23:00:00.000+08:00

YAY! I am trying to post my recorded singing here, try the links:

the zip file to my Jap Song:
[IMG]http://www.filelodge.com/files/hdd2/3779/V018.zip[/IMG]

@ ~ Potter Stinks ~ @

2005-11-19T00:46:00.000+08:00

ok... it's 12:45 am now, so i aint gonna make a long post.

A levels are over for me... * lame * YAY! and gd luck to those who have yet to finish it.

Watched Harry Potter 4 today... bloody hell, they CUT the Quidditch World Cup !!! It was like watching half the opening of the World Cup introductory song and den * BOOM * the match over... where's the FLYING man! * Angry Quidditch Fan * LOL

anyway, Cho Chang had only... 5 lines... wadever...

Krum is kinda cute the way he tries to woo Hermione * spell check *

Voldemort shld have looked more aged ( he's supposed to be in his 50s+ i think, same age as Hadgrid mah! ) ... but well.. wad the hell, at least he looked kinda cool.

and i still stick to my stand that POTTER STINKS AND DRACO RULEZ!

yupz, tt's abt it... blah blah blah

my room still a mess...

go shower and sleep le...

( dreaming blabbering .... Quidditch.... )

Er.... Haiz....

2005-11-04T17:41:00.000+08:00

Ok, update update:

Yesterday's Activities:
1.Spaced-out
2.Eat Miso Soup
3.Maple and realised my hand "orh cye" ( Blue black )
4.Listen to Eminem and Green Day ( two songs onli, kept repeating )
5.Spaced-out ( again )
6.Pretend to study
7.Eat Miso Soup ( same bowl of soup for lunch and dinner... yucks )
8.Gawk at Hyde and Gackt on the net.
9.Listen to jap music
10. Cry my eyes out
11. Lie on ground and think of suicide
12. Read up on the web abt Panadol suicide, and decided that it's better to slash or jump instead ( if u dun die from the first attempt, you're screwed for life )
13. Thinks that slash is still better.
14. Mom comes home.
15. Dun feel like eating at all.
16. Still havent do anything.
17. Watched anime halfway ( Godannar )
18. Went to sleep. Too tired and a bit sian.
19. Woke up by my mom around 12 am. I punched the air and missed her ( phew ) * Warning.. dun any how wake me up*
20. Went back to sleep, this time applied calami lotion to keep the bedbugs/ mosquitoes away....

ZzzZzZzZ

Today...

1.woke up at 8am
2.went school mug ( pretend to mug)
3.nothing goes in
4.eat mee pok
5.mug somemore
6.couldnt find geog teachers to consult
7.realised tt my right palm .. the small vein below 2nd finger, blue black/purple. pain. dun feel like maple liao.
8.look at picture card of Hyde and Gackt ( moonchild) *made the card myself*
9.go J8 walk one round ( 15 minutes)
10.went home. hungry . but dun feel like eating.
11.think of a levels ... spaced-out
12...... realise tt I am typing this shyt ....

hmm... nothing much

i think i go eat an orange and drink iced water... yea...

spaced out...

i think i mugged landform ( except rock-types ) and atmosphere ( left vege, el-nino)
later do econs mcq... or mug hydro...

...

Spaced out....

Weird Dream ~

2005-11-03T09:52:00.000+08:00

Wah, woke up late at 9:30am , but I had a weird dream this morning.

I found myself in this 7 storey mansion, that has lavish themed decorations on each floor. I was dressed in an old-fashioned Victorian style gown ( maroon colour )and hugging a cute dark shizu pet dog ( tt kept licking my ear, damn irritating ). From wad I gathered, it was the evening when I had supposedly took vows with my hubby earlier tt day. ( How CRAZY is tt?!?!? ) ( and wasnt ppl heading off straight to honeymoon after the wedding? instead of continuing to pack up at home and leave the next day? )

Anyway... this is damn weird, I felt like I had lost most of my memory and was blur as a sotong. My hubby turned out to be a boy who looked younger den me, but spoke like my age. ( not that he spoke much ) Did I mention tt he had pale blonde hair?!?! What the heck....

And while i was still blur as a sotong, I wandered to his study room and caught the bride's maid ( supposedly my friend but like i dun even remember a thing abt her ) and my so-called hubby meeting secretly. Dunno why, even when I was blur, I felt angry, upset and sad... well, I went to the stairs-well, which was like 7 storeys high, and plunged down. To my surprise, I couldnt die. And den they all gather around me and said that it was a prank to see how much I actually loved the guy... WTF!!!!

More ridiculus was tt the next day when we leave for our so-called honeymoon, the in-laws and parents and family friends ALL came along as if it was a group tour. oO;;; Worse.. I couldnt even really recognise my parents or my in-laws.. and they talked abt how they used to study in Beijing University?!?!?! And what was it abt a handsome bi- family friend.... *faints*

It was just madness... and I felt like a blur person in the dream all along, couldnt remember anything, but as if i could remember something.

Luckily, the morning sun baked my room and woke me up before I dreamt of anything else... weird huh?

Mid-A-Level SLACK!

2005-11-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

Wooops... I am slacking!

Darn, few days onli for Econs, Geog AND Maths... must study liao... zzZzZzZzz....

Stop Mapling!!!! ... * bangs head against wall *

Well, suddenly, I recalled of Kei ( actor: Hyde ) from the movie Moonchild. I reallie like the character in the movie, he's a kool vampire. Heh! ( i prefer the character in the movie den the real singer/actor though )

Here's his picture.

Heh, so cool! Haha, but gd for looking only bah.. definately not my type of boy-friend material, too cool liao.
Inuyasha tt type of 'baka' still better, cos can quarrell and fight sometimes, haha, so funny.

er... dunno wad to write liao.. o yea, listen to Eminem's song - Hallie's Song, quite nice.

Yea.. dun say i never update, nitez. ZzZzZz * dreams of Inuyasha, Kei, etc *

When Ur Blog Suddenly Switched to Chinese Input...

2005-10-24T18:54:00.000+08:00

我不知道! 我不知道! 我不知道!

哎... 用华文就用华文呗...

哇~今天我在学校呆了九小时零三十分, 却只读了区区十篇宋词... 太慢了吧...

如果这么下去, 我若要读好华文,岂不是一个星期的时间也不够!!!

救命啊!!!

我也不知道是否吃错药, 竟然跟数学老师说我玩电脑游戏上了瘾. 嘿! 他还真厉害, 建议我把电脑滑鼠和键盘都拔出来,交给他保管, 那我可没法子玩电玩了. 不赖吧! 哈哈~

好, 不玩就不玩, 我今天可不会碰了.

*~*~*

真倒霉, 打包饭盒没有汤匙, 我用啥来吃饭?! 老板骗了我一个汤匙!!! 可恶....

*~*~*

哎哟~ 今天三餐吃太饱, 肚子受不了了,疼得要爆炸! 天啊! 我变肥猪了...

这华文可不好输入, 太累了...

我溜达溜达去了... 上哪儿? 上厕所呗! ( 自言自语:" 读书吧! 猪头!")

*~*~*~*

咦? 苏东坡的<<江城子>> 挺不错... "不思量, 自难忘." ....
~哎........

太奇怪了... 我的博客竟然变成了...华文的!!!

2005-10-24T18:25:00.000+08:00

我不知道! 我不知道! 我不知道!

哎... 用华文就用华文呗...

哇~今天我在学校呆了九小时零三十分, 却只读了区区十篇宋词... 太慢了吧...

如果这么下去, 我若要读好华文,岂不是一个星期的时间也不够!!!

救命啊!!!

我也不知道是否吃错药, 竟然跟数学老师说我玩电脑游戏上了瘾. 嘿! 他还真厉害, 建议我把电脑滑鼠和键盘都拔出来,交给他保管, 那我可没法子玩电玩了. 不赖吧! 哈哈~

好, 不玩就不玩, 我今天可不会碰了.

*~*~*

真倒霉, 打包饭盒没有汤匙, 我用啥来吃饭?! 老板骗了我一个汤匙!!! 可恶....

*~*~*

哎哟~ 今天三餐吃太饱, 肚子受不了了,疼得要爆炸! 天啊! 我变肥猪了...

这华文可不好输入, 太累了...

我溜达溜达去了... 上哪儿? 上厕所呗! ( 自言自语:" 读书吧! 猪头!")

*~*~*~*

咦? 苏东坡的<<江城子>> 挺不错... "不思量, 自难忘." ....

~哎........

Er... &$%@# !

2005-10-21T00:17:00.000+08:00

Ok.. it's 12 am, 10 more days to A Levels. I am more dead meat den ever, and i aint got much time before I dooze off upon my keyboard. So there's the latest rants and updates in point form.. sorta

1. I have not been studying anything but maths.. not much progress though...

2. I gathered courage today to consult Mr Tan abt maths... jezz... forgot abt Econs ... ack!

3. I have been playing Maple Story. ( half the day )

4. I get frustrated and bored just by looking at my handphone, wishing tt it would beep or smthg.... ( have everyone forgotten me?! )

5. I have to write a letter to my distant aunt... er.. been dragging it for 1/2 a year... damn... Sorrie!!!

6. ( I forgot wad i was supposed to write next.... )

7. Oh, yea... Honestly... so far.. after ONE bloody episode... Godannar SUX!!!! what's with robots and big b**bs girls in skimping outfits!!!

8. GIMME BACK MY OKITA SOUJI!!!

9. GIMME BACK MY INUYASHA!!!

10. After Scrapped Princess... I dun have high hopes for another anime that is watchable.... * damn U! Godannar! *

11. Disclaimer: the above points are in no way meant to offend anybody.. ( just in case ppl start to sue me for... anime-discrimination )

12. Still no SMS on my phone.... * fossilised *

13. ... er... damn, I am so bloody tired.. cant think of anything liao... yea.. sleep ... tmr must start mugging liao... shyt....

Finally... as Saizo the piggy would have said....

" Pukku! Pukku! "

Translation: &@##$%&@^*^@*@#$^*&@^*@*$^ !!!!!!!!!

I'll be Gone

2005-10-13T21:40:00.000+08:00

My life is goal-less
My Future is darkness

I fear everything
but death

Dreams that I have
are impossible in reality

Loneliness and Sadness
They're corroding me from inside

The World hasn't failed me
I have failed myself

These endless tears
Are drops of acid, scarring my face

This feeling in my chest
That I cant get rid of

It's getting hard to breath
...

When I am gone
Thank you...
For remembering a faded person
... me

Kill Me Please

2005-10-13T18:35:00.000+08:00

well, the picture says it all, don't it?

16 bloody days to A Levels!

And MapleStory have a maintance check till 8pm.. sux

P.S. ya.. i went to download MapleS again... damn, wad's my freakin' problem ...

WoOt * Cold Turkey*

2005-10-05T13:50:00.000+08:00

Lmao, i just deleted my Maple Story AGAIN!!!

Ok, this is getting lame, but i gotta stop myself from playing so much computer ( as if blogging isnt wasting time)

Anyway, I postponed my Chinese P2 test today to monday, cos i so "mei chu xi" yesterday wasted my time on MapleS and didnt study. Sorry!!! So i deleted it! But now cold turkey treatment and withdrawal sypmtomes sets in!!!

Luckily, there are [Amazing Race: Familiy Edition] and [Peacemaker] and [Scrapped Princess] tonite. 2hrs of TV goodness, haha, thank God!

Btw, if u have noticed, i changed my blogskin. Well, i was tired of the old one. The tagboard aint coming back just yet cos no one tags anyway...

After A Levels den i make my own blogskin and replace this one, lorh!

Har Har Har ... F***

2005-09-30T18:37:00.000+08:00

Alrighty, for the benefit of the faithful few who still actually tracks my blog updates... haha, here's NewsFlash:

My Prelims : D E F F + GP ( Pass )

Wad da ya know, bye bye to my plan to return to Hong Kong Uni... sux

Anyway, buck up now lor, wad else to do. At first so damn F***ed up, but now I just want to study consistently in peace.... I can now proudly switch on MapleSea and off it without interest in playing... Er... * Beats the hand that points to MapleSea Icon *

Haiz... my Pika so poor thing, live in a cage all his life and never know a thing. the world has so much for me to see... and i am now stuck in school ... better score well for A levels and travel after tt.

How How How... so little time left in school, dunno wad I would do when i cannot see my friends as often after tt. Haiyo.. so sad...

Must remember me hor! There's so much tt i wanna tell u~ >.<

Anyway... I shld be starting on my revision later..

will be going now...

" Jya ne! "

Back.. or something like tt

2005-09-20T17:55:00.000+08:00

Ok ok, sorry for not posting for soooooooo loooooonnnnnnnngggg.

yea.. prelims ended today.

I deleted my maplesea, but obviously cold turkey treatment is not working and i am reloading it.... sux

anyway, drew another picture, see see look look, hope u like the fashion design... blah blah blah

Wasting Time Again

2005-08-02T19:00:00.000+08:00

[1 Aug '05]

Okie, here I am , wasting time again. Just drawn a sketch of Kikyo ( coz I am too lazy to colour liao )

I tried out to shade more rigid and larger shades of shallow this time, guess it works better den shading on Photoshop. Anyway..... it's Kikyo trying to hold a Soul.

Kk... guess I gotta go study liao. Yesterday didnt even touch Maple Story, just now I logged on, but within a minute became sian liao.... Haiz...

P.S. I eat wherever I want larh, no need to 'suan' me. :P

2005-07-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

I start to think, if I have all along been living for a mere wishful thinking.

Nothing has been decided, I guess....

There seemed to be nothing else that I lived for but a silly dream.

Now, I start to think... That the most important reason for my existence, is to repay the ones who brought me to life, my parents. They should be the ones who I live for.

Initially, it was painful and dreadful to come to terms with this realisation. Maybe... it still is....
I just suppose that things dont always end the way you wish they would. I wont force that silly wish any longer.... it seems to have ended, at least... for now . No, I don't plan to fall into another dream just yet... Maybe all I should do is to preserve tt past dream as a beautiful memory, nothing more, nothing less.... All the best... even if my dream were to become someone else's.

As for now... Mom, Dad, I Love U.

Cotton Wool for Brains

2005-07-27T22:08:00.000+08:00

Oh well, today is MATHS wednesday again, but this time I am more prepared and pulled through it okay. Was surprised tt I could understand diff approximation.

Anyway, it was all going well, until someone had to do something that was pretty normal but got my feelings mixed up like cold porridge with sour bitter coffee. ARGH!!! Was kinda upset and it had to be bottled all inside till I reached home. Den I felt so sad and drifted in the state of nothingness...

Luckily, I spent my monotonous time well by trying to do maths... but still have econs essay, geog project .... oh no.... den it's just 50minutes till my anime~~~~~

These few days must have slept too little, my head is having this cotton wool expanding feeling again... it's like someone hit ur head with a pillow, but the wierd feeling stays. But then again, I seem to have drawn slightly away from Maple Story addiction. Today didnt play continuously at all, usually just for 5 minutes during pauses in between maths problems... today only gain another 20% of exp points. I guess that's much more in moderation as compared to my usual record of one 100% lvl up per day.

Okay... back to work... omg omg omg.....

I prefer not to think abt it.... *pout*

Another Start of a Week

2005-07-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

Aww man, weekends have to end so soon. Deeply regretable that I wasted $8 at the arcade today. Ahh! Stop the addiction!!!!

Anyway... another school week is starting and it just sux. Monday is still okay, but all the other days have remedial lessons. How I dread economics these days... nvm...

Hope that I have a nice dream tonight to compensate the misery... Dunno why the hell I go to school anyway.. or maybe, well, ... haiz.. wad the hell...

Now I gotta speed memorise my ancient chinese passages and poems for tmr's tests.... dammit!!!!

*Grumble Grumble Grumble*

New Blog Skin

2005-07-20T17:50:00.000+08:00

Alright, I have changed my blogskin this afternoon. Coz I was late to school and made to stay back till 5pm~... sux

I must admit that this is not the most ideal blogskin format and things are sure a little hard to read now that u guys have to scroll about for info. Btw, the tagboard is in the small white box. U have to scroll down to see it. Heh.

Well, I will work on making picture thumbnails soon, and maybe change the skin again later... but now, I gtg catch up on my maple story. =^.^=

And So it Begins . . .

2005-07-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

I have just finished reading the 6th book of Harry Potter series ( HP and the Half-Blood Prince )

Well, I shall not terrorise anyone who have yet to read it with any spoilers here. All that I can say is the really battle has started. Honestly, this is the first time that I truly sort of enjoyed the battle scenes in the story. It's more gory, violent, bold and foul language and displays of affection is more obivious. Seems that the book does grow with the reader. No more of those getting all excited turning teacups into gerbils and vice versa, or Ron ridiculusly snapping his wand.

But no matter what had happened in the story, I still remain firm on my stand for declaration of LOVE towards Draco. ( pray tt nothing bad happens to him in book 7th! or I will be so mad ... *evil brewing* )

All I can say is... things come and go... so do ppl . I am clearly slighty leaning towards the evil side, or at least, on the fence of ignorance and indifference to the battle of good and evil in the story. I respect the good ones who departed, but I dont entire supports them, sometimes. U see, people believe that they are good and doing righteousness because they believe that they are the ones with the right path. The weak ones feel guilty and fear of retribution because they succumbed to the empowerment of society's idea of right and wrong. It takes courage to stand up as the evil one, to face the odds of a righteous majority.

And because my mother barged in on me and nagged about how late it is (12:40am) I just lost my string of thought and I dont think I can write on. Feh! So much of a piece of slience and privacy.

Anyway, I have changed the music to ~ Fluffy's Harp ~ from the 1st movie. It sounds a little twisted but soothing. Hope u ppl like it.

And as of now, as Hogwarts students would have rumbled as they wrote 15inch long parchments of Ancient Runes essay, I might just continue to try doing my CRV maths tutorial...

Bitterness of Winter

2005-07-08T17:19:00.000+08:00

No one has the right to deem who is sinful. All we need to do, is to brave the waves. No one can truly condemn us unless we look down upon ourselves.We have bad times, maybe yours is even worse than mine. But if I have lousy friggin' moments, I shrug it off, or vent my anger on it. Either way, I might feel better after that. Just dun let your bad moments creep into you and engulf ur happiness.

Dun care abt it and stay happy. If it does matter to me, I try to fix it, out of pride, mostly.

I am not good with words, but if any of you folks out there have some lousy moments... well, maybe u may feel better to know that... I care~

Have a nice day~

The Bitterness of Winter... was ousted to fulfill Nature's loving image.

She left no words of complaint, but merely a ice cold glance.

But she will never change her ways to seek acceptance.

For she believes, in being herself.

New Stuff

2005-07-02T18:52:00.000+08:00

Ok. . . one more mid-year paper to go. . . . just feeling kinda sulky this weekend coz there's still a paper on tuesday. . . . cant enjoy 100% . . .

Anyway, I am now trying to draw male characters. So here's two:

- Rock On! -

- Flame -

Time Flies and " Sit " Happens. . . Keh!

2005-06-29T09:28:00.000+08:00

( lolx, only those who watch Inuyasha may have an understanding of wad my title is getting at )

Anyway, I was running thru my blog archive and suddenly struck me that my first picture posted was in Feburary, but now it's like July already!!! OMG!!! ø.Ø

And a moment ago I was thinking to myself that i will use the June holidays to thumbnail my pics into a gallery. . . Then I realised that June Holidays r OVER!!!

Really . . . with someone like me who have no sense of time, " Sit" happens. . . .

Still have Geog paper 2 and Chinese paper 2 ( tmr) , econs paper 1 & 2 ( fri ) and chinese paper 1 ( tues ) >>>

What more can I say. . . .

" Keh! "

Mid Years R Here ! ! !

2005-06-25T10:11:00.000+08:00

Ok, I have been a really slacker during the june holidays and didnt update my blog, though I was playing puzzle pirates all day. Although the mid years r here, I am still drawing anime, coz I am missing so many Inuyasha and Shaman King epidsoes!!!! ARGHHH!!!!

So here are some of my lastest works, this time round, I am too lazy to outline it again with pen, so it's pencil outline.

-no title yet -

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

-Thru the Smoke-( This is the 2nd edition of Maki )

-no title yet-

It's Been A Looong Time ~

2005-05-20T22:43:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the delay in any new postings lately. Hehe... I must have been too lazy. : P

Anyway, here's a load-down on what's been going on today:

1. Career talks day - I wore all black, so black , that I could have been mistaken for the black piglet that escaped from a nearby farm... sigh... , also, my ankles rub so much on the shoes that the skin came off and I have a blister on my left small toe. Wah!

2. Despite my injuries, I still went for the Geography field trip today and soaked my wounds in water. Actually, I don't really mind ... it's pretty ok in the water, just that when I walk on ground, my sandals scratch my ankles even more and OUCH!

3. Today my mood not bad, so I pretty laugh and smile everything away... YAY! tmr can sleep till noon like a happy little piggy! Hehe! Oink Oink! : P

Yippeeee!!!!!

2005-05-13T19:47:00.000+08:00

Haha, I was playing neopets this afternoon and guess what! I upgraded my pet to level 19 ( up 8 levels in one go ) by playing the risky game of Deadly Dice on RooIsland. Couldnt believe my luck! The game drew twice so the stakes went up to 8 levels! Wow! Luckie Me! HAhahaha

Anyway, when I returned home, I realised that my house was infested with some ants so I sweeped and mopped the place. Haha, felt so great after that, at least I have helped with the chores. ;p ( now u know how lazy I am usually )

Sometimes, I think that it's really wonderful that some people have a bunch of loyal friends who would pull thru anything with them. Always treasure ur friendship! : )

O Well.. Ren Shuan Bu Ru Tian Shuan

2005-05-03T22:48:00.000+08:00

It went one big round, and I came back to where I started, without a ticket pass to tomorrow's Bowling Challenge...

My schedules were uncertain and it ended up this way... honestly, I am a little disappointed... blame it on my lack of courage and hesitation ... i guess...

Thing's dont always end the way u think they should...

Just hope that, maybe one day, my friends and I can go bowling on a weekend .

I will do a wonderful job of helping to clean the gutters, hahaha. :P

Oooops I Did It Again! =P

2005-04-30T17:42:00.000+08:00

Ok, here's a picture of me in school uniform, except that the anime girl is prettier, taller, slimmer, etc.

O well... reality sux doesnt it, haha..

P.S. If you look closely enuff, you can spot the Nanyang JC Badge on the anime girl's left collar. : )

Complicated Soul of Sorrow ~ Maki

2005-04-29T21:15:00.000+08:00

Hey... weekend is here... as usual, I draw and draw, hah. But this time. It's the first time I paint a full body image on Adobe Photoshop. The entire picture ( including line drawing ) took me 3 hours... Woah! Time flies !

Hope you ppl like it. The girl's name is Maki.

Winter Sonata

2005-04-26T21:43:00.000+08:00

O well.. . Guzheng SYF 2005 ... we got a silver.... it's pretty sad because we had high hopes.... but I guess what goes around comes around... it's ok, as long as we are still one big Guzheng family..... smile....

Hey, May... I tuned the blog's music to that of 'Winter Sonata'... is it that one from the show starting Bae Yong Jun in it? Hey, it's for u man! Time to change my blog music anyway... hehe... hope you like it. :P

*P.S.* Note to self: Never blink right after putting on liquid eyeliner.... my eyes became panda eyes due to the smudged eyeliner when I was making up for SYF performance today... oh sux... :P I just cant really put on make-up right, hehe.

In Memory of A Little Bat

2005-04-24T14:09:00.000+08:00

Today... I saw a small bat... no larger than the size of my hand....

It had decended from freedom in the night skies above and lay cold on the concert stone....

It looked so peaceful... that suddenly death seemed to have revealled its rare quiet beauty...

I was dazed by the sight... not knowing to mourn its death or rejoyce for its freedom from this crude world...

For a moment... I wanted to take a photo of it... but then realised that it will be tarnishing to its image for no beauty of death can be captured easily by a camera...

For a moment... I wanted to bury it before nature causes it to rot.... but then.... how can its soul ever spread it wings with ease when it's grounded forever in the darkness of the filthy mud below?

For some time... I stood there quietly... pondering what to do....

It is the sad end of a character torned between the day and the night... good and evil.... ground and flight.... oh what a complicated animal it was... I wondered if anyone else could sigh at its plight as well.... what have it done to deserve such a lonely end?...

So... I played a funeral tune... it's a piano piece which I love too...

It's not much that I have done... but I hope it's lingering soul would hear it somehow... to let it know that there's someone out there who cares...

There's not much humane feelings left in this wicked soul of mine... but at least... I hope that it will understand....

This day shall be remembered as the day of silence for a quiet soul of the night....

May the Little Bat rest in peace....

Last Exile

2005-04-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

Jezz, Last Exile is the most touching anime that I have come across since I remember. out of the lastest 5 epidsodes, I couldnt hold back my tears during at least 2 shows.
~~~~~~~~~
Now...
Dio realised that his servant/friend,Luciola, is already long dead ( because he sacrificed his life in exchange for Dio's freedom). The half-insane Dio cried over the empty Vanship seat where Luciola should have been... and he is blown away by the fearsome winds of the Grand Stream...

Delphine is killed by Alex... when the reason why she kept him alive in the first place was partly because she needed someone ... a friend perhaps. It was not really her fault that she was evil... she was just born into a cold world above the rest...

Alex and his stubborness of revenge. Sophia and her insistence on conquering evil at all cost... now resulted in the lonely grave of Alex and a hollow Sophia who have no tears....
~~~~~~
I dunno why.. I just cried ... mostly over the 'bad guys' who died in the anime.. so silly rite? But I find them to be sorrowful characters.. and I guess I can somehow identify with how they feel .. . . . all that they ever wanted... was a true friend... like every other youngster...

I esply like the friendship of Dio and Luciola...
one will sacrifice for the other...
but the remaining one cant live without the other....

Lost in Thought

2005-04-20T09:47:00.000+08:00

I don't know why, but recently I may be thinking too much or just lost in thought too often.

Last wednesday, the canteen stall 10 yong tau fu stall mixed up my order and I only realised that the bowl of guotiao was not what I ordered when I returned to my seat and wanted to start eating... let it be... i ate it anyway...

Today ( which is wednesday again) , I went to stall 3 to buy wanton mee... the wanton was still in the boil so I had to wait... then the auntie shoved me the plate of mee... the next time I know, I realised that I was eating my mee without the wanton... I must have forgotten about it at the stall... let it be... I just ate the mee anyway.......

So... what might possibly happen next week? Given that I am so damn blur....

Possibilities:
Buy Japanese set meal and forgot the soup.
Buy Chicken rice and forget my ginger paste.
Buy Western food and forget my Myonnaise or eat chicken chop with fork and spoon.
Buy fruits... paid liao, but forget to take the fruit out from the stall's fridge.
Buy anything else and forget my change.
Or better still, bought and remembered to take everything... but forget where I left my bag.

Haha... more "good show" to come next week...

blah blah blah

Grey Day

2005-04-18T14:24:00.000+08:00

Today was colourful... now it's grey..............

ran 13min45sec for 2.4km this morning....... I used to run at least 20 secs faster......

My internal organs are starting to hurt again.. now, sometimes even my eye-sight and senses are degenerating.....

By chance, I met someone a place where I didnt expect him to be. Fate loves to joke with me, oh it does. I suddenly fel that it would have been better if we hadnt met. Now that I discover a sad truth .. and my high hopes and day dreaming shatters.... maybe..... maybe it was just me all along. Heh... Now I am left with the grinding pain in my body.. but it's ok, I am growing numb to it anyway.

Somehow, I feel tired, but then again, not tired. It's like u wanna give up, but then again u dont wish to give up. Just when u think it's over, it starts again. Then, when u expect it to last, it dies out abruptly. I guess that I think too much. ( as May have said before in sec school ) .... I guess I do.

Maybe it's just me bringing misery upon myself. But... why should I even care. I think that there's not much time left anyway. When I become history, my best pals might relate it as a silly and sad tale. That's if anyone will eventually remember me at all.... No! Dont remember me... I come from nothing-ness and I shall not leave a trace of my shadow behind. It's meant to be that way.

O well.. Weekend... Nothing to Do...

2005-04-16T13:18:00.000+08:00

Hey, got bored this morning so I tried making another picture. Hope u guys like it... now I have to continue my house chores.. :P

Erm Actually........

2005-04-13T14:03:00.000+08:00

erm, actually, I dunno what to write anyway, besides to complain more about my back and leg pains. it's confirmed today that I failed my GP... only got 44.5/100 . so sad....

Anyway, May, I really miss u.... too bad that we cant meet up today. I also last minute got preformance rehearsal this afternoon... so yea.......

I am a bit hungry now.. but want to stay slim... hmmm... yea... just now nearly got food poisoning in the canteen... i ate then felt terrible tummy-ache liao...

Gotta wait till 4 pm before the rehearsal starts... guess I will catch up with my over-due homework then.... sigh, I dun have any computer games to play besides neopets...

Just feels weird and worried that if I have forgotten something when suddenly I have free time after school...

O yea, good luck to Li Yan, her SYF is this Friday..

That's abt it... ppl are going to canteen to eat... maybe I should follow? Or should I save up more for the SaSa cosmetics that I wanna buy this week? Hmmm.....

O my Freaking legs.

2005-04-12T12:57:00.000+08:00

Gr... did over ten jumps for standing board jump practises yesterday... always fell down. This morning I wake up with the stupid thighs problem again. U know, as if ur thigh muscles are very tense and stressed. I can bearly sit down properly and my lower back hurts as well... now I look v comical as I walk, with my legs wobbling and my butt sticking up... clown... gotta cover my face liao....

Sheeshhh... I hate it... wah! Pain....

Hmm... Great... Wadever

2005-04-11T19:04:00.000+08:00

Ok, I finally announce my Block Test Results! EVERYTHING FAIL!!! ( exp Chinese... ) OMFG!

O well.. really... just what I expected... but Not Geography! Why... why geog... sigh....

Sometimes I dun see the point in studying. Cant I do whatever that I freakin' want to? Life is for me to live, not school and homework and tests to run over with. Shessh....

One day, I will join some expedition crew and go far far away from home and not to go to school . :P

... what more can I say...

2005-04-06T14:02:00.000+08:00

Appears that no one , besides a few friends, pays regular attention to my blog after all.......

plz pals! write something on the tagboard leh..... sigh........

we are still busy over the lep club orientation thingy. but it seems to have reached a stagnant stage and I am really worried since the event is the day after tmr. Hmmm, dun care liao, just prepare whatever I can now.

Erm... was going to say something, but now that I am typing, I seem to have forgotten what the hell it is. Nvm....

me and my forgetful self.... jez... :P

Heck It,,,,

2005-04-04T14:32:00.000+08:00

O well... heck!

I am no longer going to the Dinner and Dance this year. So much for my rotten JC days. :P

Reasons: ( juz in case u'r interested why )
1. All my buddies arent attending the event. So who can I celebrate my birthday with then?! ( p.s. my b dae is on the same day as D&D... Dec 5 )

2. Maybe I will be back in Hong Kong in December, so why waste money for the ticket.

3. Besides the ticket, gowns, accessories , etc are Expensive.

4. I dont look stunning anyway so why go there and act pretty. Shessh...

5. Since I am turning 18, I may as well go clubing or watch movie instead, or go an play pool.

6. I would love to spend my B Dae with my Mom or May . ( p.s. dun worry, the order of the reasons listed arent according to piority, ;) to May )

7. I am sick of this school and all it's nonsense.... ( p.s. haha, just kidding... but in comparison, I still have a stronger bonding to Zhss than Nyjc. )

Well, that's it, 7 reasons. Nice number!!!

Rest of the day is packed full of CCAs till 7.

And to all Kerala Dance girls~ WE CAN DO IT!!!! ~ YAY~ WE'RE THE BEST!

p.s. Ppl who want to chill out with me on Dec 5, tell me before hand, than maybe I will stay in S'pore and we can all go for some cheaper entertainment than D&D.

oso to 林老师: sry for not handing in hw on time today... :P

Tata!

Chey... another boring day....

2005-04-01T14:01:00.000+08:00

葉子用墜落證明換季

可我昏昏沉沉沒有辦法醒

（你願意做個英雄還是你會要放棄）

天是亮的卻佈滿烏雲

所有焦距被閃光判了死刑

（你想做什麼英雄我看你不過是傭兵）

哼！我今天就用华文来写网上日记。周末空闲，但心情是一片混乱。除了功课，也不知道能干啥。MP3里的歌曲，我早已听腻了。测验是一塌糊涂，也管不了了。

当我试向死神招手时，才发现我正面对着镜子。呜呼！人不为己，天诛地灭。但为何我此终为他人而活。光是想到失去亲人，我已心如死灰。

在片刻宁静中，我尝试闭眼安眠。可是，我的梦境却是那阴魂不散，不断缠绕着我心头的噩梦。　或许，那是我永不能忘却的过去。目看历史重演，挣扎却无法摆脱命运的魔掌，我不得不深叹无奈。也许，我须要生命的痛楚来确定我的存在。。。

It's Just... Grey

2005-03-31T08:57:00.000+08:00

Yes... it's all turned to.... grey.............

It seems that all my predictions are correct, unfortunately.

The End will soon come.

And everything has turned to grey.

I am merely carrying out a dull duty of finishing the time given to me.

My feelings are draining.... and I have given up much hope to hold them back anymore.

The food I taste is dust....

The sounds that I hear is silence.........

The air that I breath is harsh and cool....

The things that I touch.... lifeless

The sight of the world......... grey.......

I am sad to say that there may be unfulfilled duties, but.. let it be........ and a weak 'sorry' is all that I can say.

All along I was meant to be like smoke.... that will fade eventually..

Yay Yay Yay

2005-03-30T09:49:00.000+08:00

Hey, guess what, this year's prom nite for nyjc will be held on my birthday Dec5 !!!

YAy! I hope all my friends will come then I can get lots of presents!!! Muhahaha ( evil & greedy laugh)

Anyway, have lep work on hand now. It's to rush out the invitation cards for the lep jc1 orientation. I am planning on doing a chinese knot with string. I hope that it turns out well enough. sigh.... if not I have to tie ribbion instead. Dun want to spend too much. But I scared the string at home not good enough. I better go home and try out the yellow string that I have first.

tt's about it. hmmm... still got half a day at school....

O Great....

2005-03-24T16:57:00.000+08:00

Wazup... I am stuck in the school library again, trying to get my hands on the computer long enough before it closes... Shit!

Block test over, but the final paper is higher chinese and I sux at it. Feel so dumb now... :P

Anyway, will be stuck in school or serangoon till 6:30pm today until I head for the guzheng concert at Nanyang Girls High with my cca people. Haiz, damn sian. My previous chinese paper 2 test is ruined again, although I expected better results. Now I am like at the bottom of the class... sheeshshhhhhhhhh

Okie... Enough of my grumbling. I just have to deal with the pain of not going online till monday ( My computer at home is dead)....

My Playstation is so sian also... I think I will just be a freakin' bkworm and study my notes all over again... yes.. duh, I have gone crazy. :P

Life's so damn lonely and bored and urgh!

Now I even have to just crap at a computer screen instead of having a normal face to face conversation.

I am thinking whether I should find a penpal from Europe or something, the good old snail mail. But when I checked the web for avaiable addresses... they all appear to be looking for someone to shag, even teenagers! I tell you. Or else, their standards are just too high... want this want that. :P

But , something happie is happening too. The Mudan flower seeds that I planted are actually germinating, but the weed-looking sprouts aer still very weak. I wonder if they can do without water for the long weekend... poor things. :(

Ok.. that's about it. Almost time for me to look for dinner somewhere... and alone again... so sad... I have too much me-time when I dun need it, but it's never around when I feel crowded by ppl.

So long, my friend. Maybe see you next monday.......

Wah~~~ no Internet at home~~~~~~~~` no computer game~~~~~~~ busted all levels of my playstation game liao~~~~~~~~~`WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...

bye bye :P

R.I.P. My Computer

2005-03-23T10:36:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, wondering why I never check in to write for so long? Sheesh... my computer was dying ..dying... dead... Dunno why, but now even the Internet connection program has disappeared from my computer. And it's taking damn long to even load the explore desktop. I give up and wish to put it down to rest.

So, I am using the school computer now. Haiz, I hope I can get a new computer soon, or I will be stuck with the school computer. But buy very expensive, yet the last time I repaired my comp was last Nov, so it's like... my comp is just old and hopeless liao.

Anyway, today I finished my Economics Block Test. So good, most others have already finished their tests but I still have HCL paper 1 to go tmr.... so sucks leh. anyway... I think I crapped my way thru the econs paper today... uh oh

I guess regular practise is the only way to prepare for A levels.. But I always feel so tired and want to sleep... and yesterday my hair fell out like crazy when I was showering... does this means that I am down with some terminal illness!!!!???? Haha... lame~

Just planted some Mudan flower seeds in the lep rm 'garden' . I hope it germinates after 8 days. at least... so that my efforts wont have gone into waste.

Haiz, just hope that u ppl have a nice weekend ( 3 days leh! )

Yup... and I miss playing soccer ... geez, I need to work out soon or will gain weigh again. :P

Eh... I dunno I dunno

2005-03-16T13:50:00.000+08:00

Eh, Li Yan, just to spite you, hehe, I am typing in pink.

Okay, nothing much happened today, besides something that I consider a big big disaster. Just another time of those OMG! I gotta dig a hole in the ground moments.

Anyway, I am gald that I actually did sometime useful in school today by copying all those geography hydrology diagrams after lecture. But I still have yet to start my revision for block test. Aww... dammit, how am I gonna pass with flying colours? Fat chance! Unless I mug whole day long....

I challenged Li Yan to see whose eyes are larger and now I admit defeat... grr... I just wished that my nose wasnt so flat... I like to look more elf-ish , such as Buffy, or Avril L. And then I can paint my eyelashes dark and get that sinister look. Yay. But I guess I just gotta stick with my big mouth and flat nose... ehhh.... sigh!

That's abt it.

*I admit that I am a truely playful prankster. And I am lovin' it!*

~Love Story~

2005-03-15T22:39:00.000+08:00

Oh Dear, it's been quite sometime ( almost half a month ) since I last wrote in. Sorry about that...

Have you ever felt so much for a loved one, that you feel that a barbwire is tightening around your heart? Or felt so miserable that you could drown in your tears? It may sound silly, but have you ever felt that you can bleed a river for someone and yet smile upon your death , just because you know that your loved one have finally found happiness?

Love hurts... so that you will know that you're alive.

I think one day I will vomit blood and die.....

Sigh, better live fast, die young .... at least I will look young on my funeral. Then, even if I cant escape death in life. I can still escape taxes. ( Lame! ) ... Just worried about who to take care of my parents bah....

Eh, dont worry abt me larh..

What if...

2005-03-05T12:49:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking...

If one day, everyone have to take up arms and there's a division of ideology, belief and goal..... will you be able to look into the eyes of your friend and face off with him?

When there's no more concept of family, friends, relationships... will you still be able to say our loud that you love someone?

What if, the only one who you love all your life hold you at gun-point, will you be able to sacrifice yourself for his cause. Close your eyes and leave in peace, without a trace of struggle.

Or...

Will you be the one who kills blindly and accomplish your goal. Then, in order to repent for the lives of family and friends you've costed, take your own? Will you be able, to pull the trigger bravely, without hesitation?

People often wish for a world with no killing , just peace and maybe, if a miracle happens, love. But ... does that world will exist? And when it does, will people still treasure the love and peace or wiill they just take it for granted?

Sometimes, I feel that... love is like sand that wil slip from your hand no matter how you try to clutch onto it. It will only diminish and fade away one day. Maybe, if only I could put a stopper to it.......

So Happy 2gether!~!~!~!~

2005-03-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

Imagine me and you,
and you and me,
no matter how they toss the dice,
we're meant to be.
The only one for me is you,
and you for me,
so happy together~~~~!!!!

Ah! Another day have passed . Got back my Maths common test today and I got an 8 for it. :P Not every good, but there's still room for improvement. Okay... maybe I should start be doing my tutorials. Hmmm o.O

Now that the weekend is around the corner, I still owe... Math tutorial 9, HCL 2 jia da ti for the 'song ci' and qiao chang zhang. Econs I need to prepare an article by tmr for evaluation. Geog have an essay due next week and GP need s work done on the presentation thing. Phew... now that's a mouthful.

Anyway, all I really want is to de-stress. Feels so clog up with so many things. Sometimes, I think a school system with more freedom will suit me better. Maybe I will de-stress by escaping classes and playing pranks on others. Haha. Hey! I want to wear home clothes to study. :P

I guess I just need a change in environment once in a while. I have been stuck in the acient education system for quite some time now. I like to try new things when I am still young and care-free.

Btw, I realised how come teachers always catch me sleeping in class and lecture. Coz each time I doze off, my pen will fall from my right hand and hit the ground with a loud 'clack!' And when I am in the process of dozing off, my elbow slips from the table side all the time so I look like some idoitic person trying to put my elbow again and again on my table.Oh great... there goes my plan for adventure in dreamland. Haha. Note to self: next time, put down pen before sleeping. Try not to rest elbow on lecture hall table.

I guess I am pretty cat-natured. I sleep in the day and play at night. I hate the rain. And I love to hide alone in some shady and cool place. If I like you, then I show it. If I dont like you, I also show it . I am so damn arrogant at times and proud of myself. Sounds perfectly bitchy, but without the classic bitchy pretty looks. Sounds like ... aw! That sux!

Anyway, I am still bitching away for dunno why... just to fill up space on my blog I guess. Kk, better not waste my time. C u ppl around. ;P

Let It Be ~ Let It Rock On tt way

2005-03-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

Hmm, have you ever find that you really cant stand a person for his/her attitude, behaviour, looks, talking etc. Mainly, in short, just want to kick that person in the ass and make him/her change?

But then again... as much as you want to modify a person, the same amount or even more resistance occurs and it just turns sour between everyone. At the end of the day, you just end up wasting more time and getting more fed-up and ... more wrinkles. :P

So why the hell dont we leave others alone to do wadever they want? Just as much as we want others to stop freaking bugging us and leave us alone? After all, it's the person's flaws and irritating habits that shapes the person into who he/she is! Hey, imagine... would you want a world with the same type of personality ? That's like attitude globalisation, unification nightmare! ( Oh! there's goes my GP over-loaded, lolx... all just talks, but no work done, haha)

If worse comes to worse, you cant stand a person, try not to mingle too much to avoid friction. IF the person comes chasing after you as a friend, hoping to befriend you, then give chance larh. But make sure you know where to draw the line. The best is to lay down ground rules first, in a gentle and sensitive manner of course. ... But if you are not a good patient person, then I suggest you arm yourself with ear-plugs and fast running Nike shoes!

As for me, I am E-V-I-L! not purely, I hope, muhahaha. But most of the time, yes! :P * Sings " Wooo! Well, girls just wanna have fun!" *

If I have never played a prank on you before, you gotta tell me! I will make sure that I make it up to you one of these days. Heh Heh Heh.

Okay, if by now you are kinda brainwashed by my 'lecture', HEY! WAKE UP! you aint supposed to be changed by just a silly blog!!!!

But if you are, PLEASE tell ME!!! Maybe I will consider becoming a celebrity image consultant in the future! Big $! Big $! Big $!

Smuack! Nitez to all my great BUDDIES!!!

Fly Away~

2005-03-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt so heavy and burdened by this world? Responsibilities, relationships, tasks, and lots of other stuff to do..... don't it just feels like a lump of nonsensical mess n dirt that is just clogging our veins? U can hardly breath, because your chest is burdened by countless matters. Big n small...

One day, the pressure in your veins will cause your tired heart to burst, ripping apart right down the middle. As your blood flows, it is tainted a dirty black, concentrated with sins and frustration. You recall the moments, the people, your secrets, your misdeeds. You apologise for being a shame to the family, you bid goodbye to your friends, you can smile and shrug at the responsibilities that you wish to leave behind, but you will keep mum to the one you truly treasure and love. In pain, you feel bitter-sweet tears trinkling from the corner of your eye. You may want to cry out, but you no longer have a voice.

When your blood is drained, your soul is freed from the locked-up body. Light as a feather, you can travel miles without boundaries, exposed to a whole new beginning, where people won't condemn you, where you are free to do as you wish.

You become part of time, surrounding each and everyone, but never really being there. Suddenly, you wish that the cycle will start all over again, but this time, maybe for a better change.

Girl ~ Dammit!

2005-02-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

Ok, gotta apologise for not posting in the past few dayz, anyway, I had this pen calligraphy competition on Sunday at NTU. No one from NYJC won anything, but thanks for the support from all my pals. But the lecture hall was freaking cold that now I caught a cold. I was so damn tired on my way home. While I was studying for Econs test on the MRT, I dozed off and my notes almost slipped from my hand. I woke up and caught it in time, but so damn embarrassed.... Mugging and dozing off... in public... sheshh.....

Today my right nostril has been runny since Econs test. ( I had to do the test one-handed... the other was busy pressing a tissue to my nose. :P ) And it has always always been... the right nostril... urgh, disgusting .... Now I am trying to rush econs homework ( how ask me to be too tired over the weekend, so many things going on, serve me right, eh!) and all those hw that are overdue and rotting away in my bag. ( Sorry teachers! heh.... )

I seriously consider to see doctor and get MC for school tmr. ( * reaches for another tissue *) but I will be missing so many lessons... and stuff... sheesh... maybe I will just take a cold pill before sleeping... funny, those flu drug always makes ppl sleepy.... Ah~~choo... ( * blows nose* )

That's abt it, better continue work above I doze off or pass out... which ever way... just sux...

Hope this blog aint gonna pass u my flu bug! Muhahaha~

Weekend is finally here~~~

2005-02-26T10:35:00.000+08:00

Below is a picture I drew and a poem from Li Bai.

Yo Yo Yo!!!

2005-02-23T18:09:00.000+08:00

Hey folks, got slack this afternoon and made this picture. I hand-drew the outline and then coloured it with photoshop. Too bad the photobucket thing compress it again so it's kind of fuzzy. :P

Woooh~ Look Where I've Been

2005-02-21T18:29:00.000+08:00

I think my picture-size was too big ... tt's why it looks fuzzy when I loaded it to photobucket... haiz, nvm,

But GUESS where I have BEEN?!

Haha~

For MAY

2005-02-19T23:20:00.000+08:00

May, sorry, that I didnt get this picture done before. It's like... from last year already. Paiseh.

Hope u Like it. Dun worry, I wont post it here all the time, just leave a msg on the tag board when u have seen it and I will take it down if u want. and I will send u a copy of it after that. Hehe.

Remember hor... I never do hw yet... still making this for u, hehe.

Another Picture Drawn By Me!

2005-02-19T20:15:00.000+08:00

Hey Hey! Here's Another picture hand drawn by me. Is the inverted effect ( black becomes white, white becomes black) effect nice? I did it with the computer. Yeah... too lazy to colour, hahaha. Hope you like it.

Btw, the picture's title is
~ Soul ~

Hey Hey Hey

2005-02-19T14:59:00.000+08:00

O great, I spent like over 10 bucks on beading materials to make handicraft and accessories, now I am broke. Might not even be able to catch Constantine on Monday afternoon ( I am going alone anyway, unless u wanna join me)... Dammit!

Ayway, spent some time this morning drawing this picture and guess that I will just post it here. More to come soon. ( maybe I will set up a sub-blog for it and thumbnail the pictures)

I havent touch my homework yet, coz I dun really want to do it, yet. Hehe.

Eh? So Surprised

2005-02-17T22:40:00.000+08:00

Hm, today was really tired after Guzheng which ended at 8pm. So I headed for the J8 McDonald to buy a hamburger, cos mom said that she aint gonna cook me dinner this late. So I waited for my order to be ready, den this guy behind the counter ( wearing a red mcdonald t-shirt and with spiky hair) walked to me and said " Remember me? ... but nvm, I dont really remember you either." I was quite surprised at first. Then he leaned closer and ask me whether I was waiting for my order to be ready. Frankly, I didnt know what to think coz it was so sudden, so I just nodded like some silly primary school girl. Haha, I must have looked ridiculus, LOL. I guess that he's someone from Primary school, but well... I cant really recongise him . I mean, last time in primary school all the guys look so baby faced. hehe. Haiya... but he's quite tall leh, at least 170cm. he so tall... and I still so short, could even see his face properly.... eh... felt a little confused and embarrassed. haha. But overall, it was quite a pleasant surprise I would say.

( To my girl-friends: he is quite good-looking you know, might have introduced him to you ppl if I knew him better, haha~ hint hint to [ name of girl-friend ~ u know who u r~])

But, May, dun worry, I am not growing despo and Li Yan, dun over-react and bug me about it whole day in school, okie? haha.U know what my target is and I am persistant about it. :P

ANYWAY... still got economics hw and test tmr ( Mr Lawrence gave such a big hint hint lorh " I suggest tonight u go back and read ur Resource allocation notes and the Congestion Charges worksheet we did last time" ) :P . No reason not to do well for that. ~ yay.

2005-02-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

Erm, o dear, what to say leh?

2005-02-14T20:50:00.000+08:00

Heh heh, yarh, dunno what to say but if long long never post here also like quite disappointing for those who do care and come in the check on my blog once in a while, haha... ok, so here it goes....

Omg... CNY holidays are over and school's starting again. Today is Valentine's Day, but I had all the worse case senarios in my head when I stepped into school. U know, I gotta prepare myself for anything sad u know. Many ppl say that Valentine's Day is sometimes breakup day because high expectations were not met. Haha, luckily, nothing happened ( Oi! as if you want something to happen like that, kaoz~ miss piggy will always be miss piggy, haha) and I emerged as yet another happy person who just survived Valentines Day. I think the worst that can happen is someone coming up to you to confess his feelings, waited for your happy response, and then laugh with the rest of the ppl and tell you that it was all a prank. Hey~ tt's really mean. Anyway, liking a person doesnt mean that you should expect anything from him. It's all about keeping the joy just like any other day. If love must be so materialistic on a meaningful day that has been used by manufacters and advertisers, then it's not really love truely. Love should come without expectations what so ever. You can always love someone , love as in kinship, friendship, pet-ship ( if there's such a word) or something more. No one can stop you from loving, but you cant stop others from not accepting this love. So, I would conclude that loving in silence maybe the best way, as long as you dont let it break your heart too much that this loving emotion turns sour. Love should be pure as water and light as the wind. Let it come and go at will, you might just become a happier person. Most of all, appreciate ppl for who they are, not who you expect them to be.

O dear... haha, nag nag nag so long liao, woah, the paragraphy so long n boring, sure fail GP compo for structure, haha.

Okie okie, while I continue with my plan to set up a sub-blog to showcase my hand-drawn pictures, I better finish the hw I have not yet done for... ( counts the days on the calender) ... erm... hehe... 2 weeks. Woah! better do now !!!! Hehe.
:p

Finally, let's make everyday a Valentine's Day, so you learn to treasure ppl around you for who they are!!!

* ~ Spread Da Love~ *

Gong Ji ya Gong Ji~ Fa ya Fa Da Cai~ Ü

2005-02-10T23:20:00.000+08:00

ÖMG

I gained 1.5kg so far since I last gobbled down so much new year snacks.....

I am FAT again... kaoz

CNY holiday was wonderful when I could finally sleep till 9am in the morning. I need this break man.

Hmm.... too bad Friday dun have off-day.

CNY celebration was... well erm, quite sian for the audience really.. I saw my friend look like this (-_-) with his mouth open like this Ö by the time the celebration ended... waoh..... must have been really bored, haha.... paiseh larh, but THANKS to all those who decided not to pon on Tuesday and came for the celebration , thanks!!!! Ü

BTW, I heard that there's a FUNFAIR next to Woodlands MRT till 27 Feb. Anyone want to go with me? Haha. Ü

~...O...M...G...~

2005-02-07T16:45:00.000+08:00

Cant really feel anything now accept the piercing pain in my left leg... is not for the CNY rehearsal today, I would have wanted to take the day off from school... but I guess it's my responsibility... dunno why, since last night my left leg is hurting like mad, it's like ppl drilling a needle into my bone like that, especially when I am sitting down. Yikes! Haiz... why do I have so many health issues lately? scarly got cancer?! Maybe not so soon larh... the Death Quiz all say that I die around 84.5yrs old, but all says that I will die of cancer... wad lao...........

The last few days I didnt type anything because I was too tired... physically and mentally. Alot of unpleasant things happened in school... but I guess that one less voice arguing will make the world a whole lot quieter place. So I just swallowed my complains and kept quiet. Luckily, i am often too tired after the events to remember what I was so angry about.....

Today was such a packed day, no breaks from 7:40am till 2:10pm, then, Zefang and I cleaned the LEP rm before I realised that I didnt have my lunch yet. So I hurried to the canteen but the stalls all closed already... so sad, I headed out to coffee shop and eat but now got a bad case of stomache that attacks me every 5 minutes... o.m.g. ~ Hang in there! Still have CNY Rehearsal till 8:30pm!

Now... today because of the rehearsal, I am gonna miss Guzheng again... Plz Plz Plz I wont the instructor wont pinpoint me... >.<>

But then again, as much as I am grumbling down here, I think that there are ppl out there ( who might just be my schoolmates) having a hard and tiring time in school. Before we pity ourselves, think about how 'pitiful' others are too... if we are all such 'poor things' who are working our arses off , maybe, we dont really need to grumble and feel pitiful after all. I mean... really, how many 'pitiful' souls can u heal just by saying that they are 'poor things'? Lending a helping hand may not mean much, but I get it does encourage one another to move on. Hey, if now school already cannot 'tahan', next time come out and work how? " gui cai ke lian ni!"

Eh.. better stop wasting time and get going liao, rehearsal starts in 15 minutes. Gotta go drink cool water and chill down.... damn leg.........

It's like that one~ :)

2005-02-02T23:54:00.001+08:00

Today's rehearsal might not be a success but at least now we are prepared for the rehearsal on monday.

Ruhui and Lina are both unwell today... hope they recover soon.

Haiz, sometimes, I think, it's quite unnecessary to fret over certain matters, cause you know that as time flows, the problem will resolve itself ( e.g. immaturity ) Patience is important, but if there's something that one can do now to help minimise the adverse effects, no matter who's responsibility it initially is, I guess the goal is to get thing running smooth again.

Btw, I really like the Moonflower scent from Body Shop... but it's too expensive and I dont really need it. But I cope a sample paper strip of the moonflower scent anyway, and I am contented, hehe! :P

Chinese New Year's coming, just hope that things will turn out better in the future. Valentine's Day sounds interesting, but I guess I will be concentrating more on the friendship aspect for now. Too early bgr dont often last very long, may as well wait till we grow up and are mature in our decisions then develope a relationship. So, if I like anyone, I will still prefer to keep it a secret from that person, so as not to spoil the hope that I hang on to. Sigh~

Hmmm, btw, I am think of setting up another blog page to host my own self-created ( but usually just cut and paste) GIF animations. But I dont know how to disable the right-click copy option for the images, so that it's like copyrighted by me~ muhahaha... Elaine, if you read this, can gimme advice, thanks. hehe, your da expert!!!

It's like that one~ :)

2005-02-02T23:54:00.000+08:00

WowZaaaaaa

2005-02-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

Hmmm, finished CNY 2nd rehearsal today... quite chaotic in a way and tmr is full-dress already... There were times when ppl really get up set, but I guess what we have to do is not to blame others but it's our responsibility to help others who have difficulty in completing their tasks. Because ultimately, our goal is to run the show smoothly. Hope all turns out well. I dont know why, but recently... either my mood is very calm and friendly to people, or I get frustrated easily when I could help people change or understand their mistakes... Haiz... I guess I should just let it be. If their actions dont really harm anyone ( including themselves), maybe I should let them learn about life themselves. Besides... who am I and what experience do I have that gives me the right to advise my peers ? Maybe I am in the wrong too.... Hmmmm

These few days, I eat and eat till now I a bit chubby again.. hehe, so paiseh, now I look like Miss Piggy again. But will try to exercise during the fellowing weeks, since than only Guzheng and LEP matters are left to settle. I feel really bad that I have to juggle between LEP Club and Guzheng, but unfortunately, of all days, they have to clash on Friday....

Today I had my General Paper Test Paper 1. O dear... I think my language is deteriorating, because I couldnt find much to express myself. Guess I need to start practising again. Uh oh.

Anyway, over the weekend, I made this animation picture for my blog. I don't know how to put it into the site template , so I guess I will just post it here.

Karang Guni~ Jiu Baozhua, Ledio, Dien Si Ji~

2005-01-30T13:25:00.000+08:00

Today NYJCians became 'karang gunis' and attacked the Toa Payoh Estate. Our class combed 6 blocks!

Most of the residents didnt have much to donate though, cos some other company went to collect at 6pm the day before... urgh....

Dogs barked and some people even slammed the door in our face ~ kaoz, and got one house made the corridor outside the door like some garden, with a small fountain and two REAL birds chirppin' away on some parrot stand, under each of them was a bundle of you-know-what swaying dangerously ... shesshhhhh

But I do hope that whatever that we did will help the students who need it most.

Btw... today die liao.... ate too much... now I am so bloated that I think I might grow into a pig again... ARGH!!!!

Yay! 25 inch waist!

2005-01-29T16:00:00.000+08:00

Haha... I finally reduced to a 25 inch waist line, at least for today larh, haha. Today I ate only a home-made peanut butter and strawberry jam sanwich, 3 tea spoons of scramble eggs, 2 pinches of shredded chicken, a small apple and 5 waterchestnuts.... phew, actually, when I list them out, sounds quite alot still... hmmmm I still a lil hungry, but I can survive! Guess tmr should try to have less !!! Then can stay thin longer, while exercising to tone up my muscles.

Tmr's suggested menu: ( Saturday )
Morning - 3 spoonful of cereal with skim milk.
Noon - 1 apple, 1 tomato / or 1 sandwich if have to eat out... haiz
Night - porridge ( even better if dun have ), veg. tofu

Woah... actually, quite alot oso... much eat slower during dinner so that mom will consume more portions than me, hehe~

my target is to remain at 23 to 24 waist line, stable! Yay~~~~

OmG..... Hurts.... Dammit

2005-01-28T15:03:00.000+08:00

This is bad... after running yesterday, I got headache at night and went to sleep... this morning go school liao, kaoz, the back of my neck and the small of my back slightly cramp leh... then I had to slotch thru out the lesson , looked so nerdy....

Tmr is Chinese PW presentation, hope to just get over and done with it.... haiz

I think I am getting fatter again... sigh, todae ate a plate of macaroni, eehh... so sinful... how~~~~ now I just want to shit everything out... urgh!!!
Now I feel damn bloated... haiyo... cannot become fat again, or else looks like teapot miss piggy when I wear clothes... so 'er xin' :p

Must diet tomorrow! Only eat breakfast, then sandwich, then dinner.... have done it before, can do it again!

Feeling.... Now....

2005-01-27T14:40:00.000+08:00

Was playing the piano just now... kept repeating the funeral music intro......

Took a online test earlier, about myself and the role I play in love relationships... seems that I am a so-called ' wild-rose', being there, but hurts those who chose to pluck it. I guess, loves hurts me more than anything... but even being hurt is beautiful in its own way.....

This day, I can play the funeral tune in the silence of the night... but who will play it for me when I pass away? And if I do die one day... will my loved ones be hurt? If departing will bring sorrow upon them, I rather that I never knew love, never confess love, never fall in love. It's better if I bear all the heartache myself. Watching those I love being happy is the best gift that this cursed life can give me.

Memories fade... I wonder if I will be remembered when I pass away. If they do, who will they remember me as? A friend? A daughter? A kin? A soulmate? An enemy? Maybe... being forgotten does have it's benefit.... for it will be, eternal. But sometimes... I just dont want to give up and surrender to fate..... This stubborness of mine, hating it, lovin' it....

I am selfish in my own way... I would rather die for the ones I love, ... so that I wouldnt have to go thru the heartache of their deaths....

I am selfish... I look forward too much to those who I love, but sometimes neglected the feelings of those who care about me.....

I am selfish... yes... I am

Run~n~Run~n~Run

2005-01-27T12:10:00.000+08:00

Woah... today run x-country, I bet that I shed 0.5kg!!!

So happie for the ex-zhonghuarians who won. :)

I think I got a placing between 50 to 60 for the competitive girls... not very good, but at least top 100 mah! Wahaha ;p

But damn... now I dunno why keep coughing... haiz, recently getting extremely forgetful, maybe because too many things on my hands to attend to... really busy week... hmmmm

Eh, I guess better go and get to work liao, maybe make a small notebk to use as my manual hand-written PDA... haiz

Guys will be Guys ~ Haiz

2005-01-26T15:07:00.000+08:00

Horoscope Facts tt Girls need to know about guys

LEO - your mate must not outshine you in any manner and you want your mate to feed your ego.

ARIES - You can be a bed bouncer but you always expect complete loyalty from your mate.

TAURUS - When you take someone out you want to get your money's worth and you expect your partner to treat you well if you show them a good time.

GEMINI - Your staying power in a relationship is certainly not record breaking. You tire easily and will take off to pursue new interests if you get bored.

CANCER - You are possessive once you fall in love and you expect a great deal from your mate and you truly resist any form of change.

VIRGO - You are always interested in how much money your partner can make and in turn what they do with it as you find waste to be sinful.

LIBRA - Your preference is usually well dressed women with long hair and moist lips.

SCORPIO - You prefer to control your mates' emotions. To you sex is a competitive game, and revenge and jealousy are two of your characteristics that will surface if you aren't winning.

SAGITTARIUS - You love women, however you usually find it difficult to be happy with just one.

CAPRICORN - You prefer younger, naive women and you enjoy playing the role of the bedroom teacher. You want your partner to be a loyal friend, but will never accept her criticism.

AQUARIUS - You fall in love quickly but you are also hesitant to commit completely to anyone.

PISCES - You can be extremely changeable, saying one thing to your lover and then turning around and doing exactly the opposite.

As you girls can see from above, at one point or another in our lives, we do see guys as jerks... because there's a disclaimer about all the faults they have!!!

Haha... but who doesnt have faults anyway? :p take it easy, and dun be surprised if some guy's blog write stuff all about us girls! haha...

As for those who are hesitating about someone before he's not perfect... well... no one is! :)

WOah....

2005-01-26T14:42:00.000+08:00

woah... todae the CNY tech rehearsal dragged till 8pm. Wooh... really tiring for everyone, but we did it, now we are prepared for the next challenge -- the full dress rehearsal next wednesday.

Tmr is cross-country run. Initially, I set a lot of goals and thought of many tactics to run in the front because I am competing for CCA.... but den, I figured that it might be the last time I ever run x-country ( hope they dun always have it in Universities )... I may as well just run as I can and let it be a peaceful and fun journey. Sometimes, if you want something too much, you may just fail to get it... hmmmm

All the best to the runners out there! :)

WOah....

2005-01-25T22:44:00.000+08:00

woah... todae the CNY tech rehearsal

Sometimes.. I wonder....

2005-01-25T14:20:00.000+08:00

Sometimes.... I wonder..... if it's all worth it in the end. So much that I want to say, but the words never escape my lips.... Maybe, being in the dark is a blessing, as least I can live happily in my own world... Once the truth surfaces, it might just hurt us deeper.

Sometimes, I feel... why indulge any longer, when there is only 'you' and 'I' but never... 'we'......

Friends come, friends part. Fate may just be a conincidence that brush pass by.

There are people who you can rely on, but for how long? It may have been a mere stepping stone all along.

Ask yourself, did you really ever had a connection that was purely out of good nature? Did it last? Or is it forgotten... non-existant.

Life is short, so is mine. I guess I prefer to drown in my own fantasy, day dream till the end of time. As long as it does not hurt someone else... then just let me be...

I come and go as I wish... yes, I am selfish, wicked, rotten and such.... I need pain and love to remind me that I am alive... but I would rather one person to suffer in silence, then having a bitter end with two broken souls......

If I were a plant, I would be... forget-me-not........ how selfish.....heh.......

Monday Bluez

2005-01-25T07:40:00.000+08:00

I feel damn useless, coz I didnt do anything over the weekend... haiz... But also, I want to slack on, but Monday is here already... argh! There's not much that I can look forward to this week except X-country and Friday's Chinese PW presentation... as if got anything better to do... shesssh.....

My computer crashed last night and I think this time cannot fix liao... so end up using school computer... sigh.. First day of the week and I have to stay back in school to meet with teacher regarding the CNY preparations, but it's my responsibility what... hmmmm So busy.

Today Li Yan was not in school and she missed two tests, I wonder how she's gonna manage when she comes back, hope all goes well...

Went to bookshop to get some materials just now but some are not in stock... have to wait till tmr...

The LEP room clock is faulty and have to report to teacher. Also need to discuss with the committee on what to put up on the boards in the room. Just got excused from Guzheng practises this week due to the clashes, lots of thanks to teacher, but I also feel guilty about not going as frequently as I should... urgh... how.....

Anyway... it's a busy week ahead. -_-

Saturday ~ Slack

2005-01-23T01:35:00.000+08:00

Erm, just did some henna tattoo on my feet... nothing better to do... uh oh, later mom will nag me abt it again... hmmm

Haiz, this morning just ate an entire maggie mee... damn fattening... Urgh, i am so useless... cant resist temptation ( * reaches for a choco mint biscuit*)

Play computer until sian liao, better start doing serious stuff. Hmm... :P

Relax, or something like that

2005-01-22T15:05:00.000+08:00

Well, slept till 9am this morning, felt great to hug the cushion that May gave me. ( ~ *Thanks May !* ~)

But my body still aches. However, I am getting better, I hope, though the stiffness in my back is gone... I still have problems walking properly. I hope that I will be well by monday's PE lesson and Wednesday's X-country run.

Hmmm... didnt complete any work today, now I regret wasting my time a little. I couldnt figure out how to modify my blog template design , so I gave up after two hours trying... urgh... I feel so stupid .

Anyway, I was watching the Hong Kong Ching Dynasty Drama " Jing1 Zhi1 Yu4 Ye4" just now with my mother. Hey! I guessed what evil plots the characters in the drama was up to and was right most of the time! Yay! At least that made me feel better after knowing that I am such a computer idiot. :P

Aunt just called from Hong Kong, it was nice chatting a little with her. Somehow I miss Hong Kong... after so many years... hmmm. However, I am also quite confused about where I shall go after a levels... choices that I have considered so far are S'pore, HK, Great Britain and Beijing. But that still depends on my results... I guess I just have to work hard now.

Now that I think about our Chinese PW, lots of thanks to Biying and Elaine. I mean they were working so hard when the rest of the team was overseas, really owe them alot. Must also thanks Shi Bo and Ming Xuan for their never relenting help in doing all the grammar checks and such... I think my chinese really sux... urgh... Not forgetting Li Yan, who helped to remind me of meeting schedules coz I am sooo forgetful. I just hope that the presentation next Friday will be a success. Hmmm.... Pray Hard.

Haha, today when playing Gunbound ( I onli played for a while, I swear! ) , this 14 yr old boy boy asked me for my hp number and gave me his, haha. I told him I in JC liao, den he kept pestering and say that got long queue of girls waiting to get his number. I nearly rolled on the floor laughing. I told him that if I happy then I will sms him. Hmm... am I being mean? Oh well...

Ahhh... pain~

2005-01-21T15:15:00.000+08:00

Sux man, tmr Hari Raya den the neigbourhood doctor never open clinic, I still aching lorh. my neck very stiff now, and my hip bones hurt even when I sit down. Argh! So frustrating!I "bai ka" already still not enough... now these... urgh!

How... my breathing getting very thin like that. Not faking larh,... har har....

Life goes on even when it hurts rite...

Oh shit! I must have cursed myself last time when I said that "pain became part of me" .. I meant it mentally, but now it is true physically! God Dammit!Kaoz...

Haiya... so sad man, but must persevere n dun rely on other ppl, esp guys! Yikes! Haiya, can forget about bgr already, not very good given the current situation. Wait till after a levels bah, no one likes me now anyway... no need to be so despo wad :P

Bad Luck Day

2005-01-21T08:24:00.000+08:00

Kaoz. Today damn bad luck man. Early morning wake up from nightmare den already cannot sit up in bed, dunno why all my leg joints and back aching lorh... Might have been my failed attempts at the standing broad jump yesterday, or all that carrying of guzheng from the hall to the cca block.

I haven't been able to walk/sit down properly or climb stairs. My tights feels very sore and strained. Jezz... and my neck is very stiff, I feel slighty pain even when I yawn... argh, dunno why I never take MC. Going to see doctor later.

Really rotten luck today... test was delayed but took up our break (meal) time instead. Then I was told off by a teacher for not being responsible, then I didnt understand a thing from Maths tutorial ( the peace was too fast~), then I recieved the only piece of torn up lecture notes in Chinese class... suay sia....

Not forgetting that when I wanted to get the India OCIP photo CD from library, someone else already borrowed it, o well... just have to wait for my turn larh.

I just hope this body aching thing goes away soon, if not I wont be able to work efficiently during the weekend. Sigh~~~

Loner~ was, is and will always be.........

2005-01-19T21:46:00.000+08:00

Now that I am less angry than yesterday... I try to forgive, at least, a part of me told me that it was just a silly joke and I was over sensitive. Maybe... if it was really not worth it, I wont be troubled by the matter till now. Dunno why I just cant let go.

Yup... that's me, bringing trouble and sorrow upon myself all the time. Living in my own shadow... But that's me. Sometimes, I try to avoid and escape, so that my emotions will not sink in too deep, so that when it ends, I wont feel the pain. But.. no matter how I try, I always feel the pain. It's painful, but it doesnt go numb, it just became part of me...

I guess that's what chinese say " Zhi4 Zuo4 Nie4", bringing sorrow upon myself, all the time. Ironically, that's maybe one of the few ways that I can remind myself that I am still human ( at least a part of me is), that I still have a soul that can feel, no matter how rotten my soul is...

I do have some happy moments, but my life seems so much more sad than happy. I worry too much, or so they say. That I want my physical age to freeze, that my heart rides a thousand waves just looking at ppl, so much highs and lows... I am really.... living in a world of my own.

There were times when I am so sad, that I want to cry but couldnt, that I want to write a poem about it but couldnt, that I want to shout it out but couldnt, that I want a shoulder to lean on, but realised that others need more help than I do....

Nevertheless, one day, I will wither away, just like all things that will come to an end. Maybe soon, maybe later. I just hope that when it happens, I will carry along all the sorrow and worries of the ppl I love, and be buried with them together, so that my loved ones wont have to suffer.

@#$%$@#!!!

2005-01-19T12:10:00.000+08:00

All was well and mundane today until I chanced upon something on the web. Reveals alot abt someone I know, someone I looked up upon to. God Dammit!

Well, F***ing hell! Heck Care! Just as ppl can monkey around and be obnoxious AND immature ( which is inversely related to one's age ), I dont need someone to support me or what so ever. Damn! I was so wrong about things, now I gotta kick start my own life and goals with a BANG! Who says girls cant rule!

Whatever I read made me confused about my past perceptions, then I became confused. I wondered if my wait was worthy, but now I will allow the future to decide. I am not going to wait for anyone, anymore. Girls, ladies, women alike, dont have to wait on others, esp. not those of the opposite gender. I have this feeling of fury, confusion and sadness in me that I cant really describe. It's like making a milkshake out of 10 types of weird spices and gulping all of it down in one go, just because it looked so deceptively attractive before.

Then, the cold reality seems to hit me, and my darker side seems to have been unearthed. IF the wait was really that important and meaningful, it should not have been shattered so easily. I guess I was just fooling myself...

Girls have the right to be independent, bitch all they want and kick any ass that obstructs their way. I am just as capable and independent.

<BGSOUND src=" http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/6563/No_Doubt_Dont_speak.mid ">

I was on the verge of tears... but now... it's not worth crying over it. Never.

Run & Be Merry

2005-01-18T09:10:00.000+08:00

Today had the PE fitness pre-test. Ran a record of 13min 25 sec for my 2.4km-run. Kind of happie and high, yay! However, I heard that a classmate had cramps/ went into a fit and was sent to hospital. Later found out that she is now alright, I hope she gets all well soon.

I hope that I will continue slimming down, sigh... Now I will slim down and keep long hair not for anyone else but myself... not worth doing all these just for the sake of someone else who may not even bother. Hah! I will be pretty when graduation comes! Yay! Beauty and Brains~ girls can have it all!!!!

Funny that I felt weird when I didnt have to stay back in school today, always so scared that I might have forgotten some important meeting after school.

Anyway, will be starting homework in a moment. Got some little little stuff to do for the Chinese New Year Celebration Project. Hope to wrap up by 7pm.

JC2 now ~ Work Hard @nd Play Hard! Wheee~~~

2005-01-16T09:40:00.000+08:00

Okie, this is where I will report my daily happenings, once in a while, or so ... if I remember to that is, haha, damn blur.

Yuppie, I just finished linking up my blog ( whatever you are reading now ) to my 'artistic' webpage where I drew some pictures. You can go to the HuH? blog page to see it if you want to. :P

Dun think that it's just all play and play, okay~ I finished my homework and helped with the chores this morning before I came online, hor. It's plain luck that I figured out how to come onto the Internet when my Internet Explore Browser was down. Anyway, I hope I can still access the Internet after today... stupid computer is old and faulty all the time... ack. Lots of admin stuff in the CCA clubs need me to read e-mails... and all those lectures posted on EMB!!! Jezz... I still think that's unfair for those who dont even have a computer or internet access at home... :P But it does 'save trees' and helps teachers to ease the workload in some sort of way... Just that I hate this digital division thing... What has the world come to!!!... ppl can live perfectly well from the beginning without electricity. Frankly, technology has pampered us so much that we wont last a day if we're stranded on an island... ( which we are in some way, though... S'pore is island wad~ ) haha.. ok... enough of cold jokes. :P

I am going to study for next week's tests after this... Yay!